My conscience made me do it

13 Oct


Sent: 12 October 2011

To: Melissa

Subject: Ok Ok I’m Sorry!

Dear Melissa

I would like to thank you for hosting this year’s conference on ‘Bean Sprouts, and their impact on the environment’. As expected, it was a very forgettable experience. No offence intended, but come-on…..a conference on bean sprouts? Anyway, I digress. This is not an email letter, conveying my dissatisfaction with your conference hosting abilities. (I’m still working on that one).

We were flying back to Johannesburg after the conference, and we were somewhere over the Drakensberg, when a patch of turbulence suddenly got seriously out of hand! (Remind me to thank the pilot for the advance warning). The turbulence was so severe that I was concerned for my own safety, and I began thinking about all the things I had said and done in the past that would come back to haunt me if the plane didn’t land safely.

One of the things that flashed into mind, was calling you a Bitch during your opening speech at the conference. I thought it was a good idea at the time, (but I can’t think of it right now). Besides the unsolicited laughter from my esteemed colleagues sitting beside me, I could tell you were less than impressed with my ‘feedback’ by the twitch in your left eye, as you paused to glare at me in silence.

I quickly dismissed this thought of you being upset with me (because you probably deserved it) and quickly moved onto the next item on my mental list of plane-crash paranoia. Suddenly, the turbulence got SO bad, I thought the airplane was having and epileptic seizure, throwing itself across the sky in spasms and convulsions!!

This was a sign! (insert eerie twilight zone music here)

After collecting my teeth from the overhead storage bin, fetching my bottle of mineral water from row 22B and going to the lavatory to change my underwear, I decided there and then, that if we survived this plane journey, I would make amends and present you with a written apology for my unpolished behavior. So here goes…

Melissa, I hereby apologize for standing up in the conference and calling you a Bitch at the top of my voice. I promise to be polite and professional in all our future dealings and I look forward to meeting with you again in the near future.

So there, now my conscience is clear and I can go to sleep, knowing that I did what I could to sort this out.

Thank you for listening.

PS: If in fact you really ARE a bitch, then this letter of apology automatically becomes null and void.

Kind regards

Roger Jones

Sales Director

#### LLC


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