Tic Toc Tic Toc ….*snap!*

17 Nov

Technology is amazing isn’t it? Every generation, a giant leap is made in how we get things done quicker, cheaper and more efficiently. For example; Written letters replaced foot messengers (much to the relief of the messengers who risked getting shot if their news was bad), faxes replaced letters, email has replaced faxes and (for now) BBM or instant messaging has supplanted email as the quickest way to communicate with someone on the other side of the globe.

What will the next big leap in time saving technology be? Direct Thought Messaging? Beaming commercial thoughts and messages directly into our minds? (If that ever happens, I’m walking around with tin foil around my head, because I don’t want to get mind-spammed with adverts for toilet cleaning products or penis enlargement pills.) Can you imagine, being bombarded with hundreds of mental messages (BrainBrands) in your head, all competing for your immediate attention? I know for certain that all psychologists will have booming practices, as 100% of the population will be ‘hearing voices’! It sounds a bit like science fiction for now, but we are not that far away from this. Think about it. The final frontier for privacy these days is in your own mind. The proliferation of ways to get hold of one another has got to a point where family, friends, customers and staff expect you to be available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Radio, TV, Internet, Telephones, Mobile phones, email, BBM, SMS, MMS, Facebook, Twitter….blah blah blah……

Not to mention the opportunistic advertising, right in your face, when you’re standing at a public urinal. “Does it burn when you take a leak? No worries, we have a cream for that!” Seriously, piss off!!

The irony about all this technology that saves time, gets things done quicker and makes us more efficient, is that we have less and less time to do things. All that’s happened is that customers, and people in general, try and squash more things into each and every day, cancelling out the whole point of time saving devices in the first place. No wonder people are going ‘postal’ more than ever before.

I am a firm believer in being ‘offline’ from time to time. It allows me to zone out, and be present in my own body and mind for a while. It’s what keeps me sane, and allows me to maintain my self worth. If you can’t get hold of me for a few hours, don’t send out a search party. I’ve just turned my BBM off.

Over and out.


How wide is your bandwidth?

28 Oct

Is it just me, or does 1.02kbps suck pile-sweat for 3G internet bandwidth? Slow download is an understatement. Seriously, it would be quicker to draw a website from memory with a pencil, after I’ve carved it from a log of firewood with a piece of flint!

I am currently in South Africa, the final frontier for technology, or should I say, the dumping ground for all the rejected rubbish technology that the developed world does not want. We do have ADSL in the office which is pretty good at 100kbps but when it comes to 3G bandwidth, I think this continent is a MASSIVE opportunity for any service provider to come in here, pay the necessary bribes to the numerous corrupt officials, and make an absolute packet, by supplying an internet service at a speed that actually allows us to view news and current affairs, that are actually current, and not from long lost history!

For example, I’ve just read on a BBC news-site, that it’s been confirmed that the Earth is indeed round, and not flat, as originally thought. Is this true?! Wow!

I guess that would explain why my friend Steve, who owns a yacht, is still around, even after years of sailing. I was always nervous whenever he told me he was off on a sailing journey. Sometimes he’d be gone for weeks, and once I actually accepted the fact that he’d fallen off the edge of the Earth, and into the ice-cold abyss, eaten by the starving boogie men that live there. The next day, he rang my doorbell, and I fainted when I answered the door, because I thought his ghost had come to haunt me!

Seriously, this continent is virgin territory for technological development. If you can look past the corruption, have a strong stomach and have a technological gadget that repels flies, then this place is ripe for the picking.

Thank you for listening, and now, back to our regular programming.

Only 10 percent?

13 Oct

Somewhere, someone mentioned that we humans use only 10% of our brain power. Why would our brain only use 10% of what it was capable of?

Hmm . . . . I have a theory. Just bear with me here.

Have you ever noticed on a ‘bottom of the range’ car, how a lot of buttons on the dashboard have little covers on them. There are clearly spaces in the dashboard for extra gadgets, switches and features, but the spaces have been covered up with plain covers, as if to say “Access Denied you Peasant!” It’s very frustrating, knowing that there are ‘higher’ models of the same car out there, with full sets of knobs, buttons and switches. It’s like the car manufacturers were teasing you saying, “You could have these buttons, which would clearly go here, but since your budget doesn’t go that far, you’ll just have to make do with . . . a simple window demister”.

They do this to save costs in the manufacturing process, so that they can use the same dashboard for all the cars in the range, and just install the nice clever gadgets on the snooty, privelaged models.

Ok, this gets me to my theory . . . and where things get a little weirder.

What if . . . we humans, who use only 10% of our brain power, are actually the ‘bottom of the range’ models? What if there are ‘beings’ out there, who have a full set of gadgets, and they use 100% of their brain power? They look like us, but have a ‘full house’ of brain features. What abilities and apps would they have? They could probably travel through time and win the lottery every week, know exactly what women want, never run out of cat food and have probably been recycling for millenia. They probably see our ‘genius’ IQ ratings of 140 as laughable. Fleas on their pet hamsters probably have IQ’s of 140!

Where are they? Who are they? I don’t know, because I’m just a 10% model, but they probably don’t live here. They probably live on some interstellar beach, where they get served galactic cocktails and eat starlight and drink from the milky way. Like I said, these examples are based on my earth bound 10% brain, so I’m thinking like a 10 percenter. I’m open to suggestions.

What do you think is going on?

My conscience made me do it

13 Oct

From: mindrazor@yahoo.co.uk

Sent: 12 October 2011

To: Melissa

Subject: Ok Ok I’m Sorry!

Dear Melissa

I would like to thank you for hosting this year’s conference on ‘Bean Sprouts, and their impact on the environment’. As expected, it was a very forgettable experience. No offence intended, but come-on…..a conference on bean sprouts? Anyway, I digress. This is not an email letter, conveying my dissatisfaction with your conference hosting abilities. (I’m still working on that one).

We were flying back to Johannesburg after the conference, and we were somewhere over the Drakensberg, when a patch of turbulence suddenly got seriously out of hand! (Remind me to thank the pilot for the advance warning). The turbulence was so severe that I was concerned for my own safety, and I began thinking about all the things I had said and done in the past that would come back to haunt me if the plane didn’t land safely.

One of the things that flashed into mind, was calling you a Bitch during your opening speech at the conference. I thought it was a good idea at the time, (but I can’t think of it right now). Besides the unsolicited laughter from my esteemed colleagues sitting beside me, I could tell you were less than impressed with my ‘feedback’ by the twitch in your left eye, as you paused to glare at me in silence.

I quickly dismissed this thought of you being upset with me (because you probably deserved it) and quickly moved onto the next item on my mental list of plane-crash paranoia. Suddenly, the turbulence got SO bad, I thought the airplane was having and epileptic seizure, throwing itself across the sky in spasms and convulsions!!

This was a sign! (insert eerie twilight zone music here)

After collecting my teeth from the overhead storage bin, fetching my bottle of mineral water from row 22B and going to the lavatory to change my underwear, I decided there and then, that if we survived this plane journey, I would make amends and present you with a written apology for my unpolished behavior. So here goes…

Melissa, I hereby apologize for standing up in the conference and calling you a Bitch at the top of my voice. I promise to be polite and professional in all our future dealings and I look forward to meeting with you again in the near future.

So there, now my conscience is clear and I can go to sleep, knowing that I did what I could to sort this out.

Thank you for listening.

PS: If in fact you really ARE a bitch, then this letter of apology automatically becomes null and void.

Kind regards

Roger Jones

Sales Director

#### LLC